Pandemic Journal Interviews the Public Relations Director for ANTIFA

They’re everywhere these days. On politicians’ lips. Spreading like wildfire on social media. They’re ANTIFA. But who are they, really? And what do they want? ANTIFA Director of Public Relations Ted [surname redacted] joined us to set the record straight. The following interview is lightly edited for clarity.

What or who is ANTIFA?

Great question. We’ve actually been around since the late 1930s, though we really didn’t hit our stride and become a known brand until 1941. It sounds kind of grisly to someone my age, but killing Nazis was a huge attention-grabber. It became the ANTIFA brand. The more Nazis we killed, the more Americans liked the us. The whole thing just kinda snowballed.

I won’t speak ill of my predecessors, but after WWII the organization got a bit lazy. They probably thought they had momentum and could coast along on their reputation.

It happens to a lot of brands.

Yeah, they weren’t immune. It’s not like there weren’t opportunities – McCarthy, the KKK and Skokie Nazis. But instead of showing what the brand was all about, they stuck to the margins. Revenue and headcount dropped, and we were looking at having to sell our headquarters in Manhattan. George was thinking it was time to either close us down or sell.


Soros. He’s not very active these days. Sometimes he hangs around the offices, offering to get us coffee, checking Google to see who’s talking about him. I think he’s just bored.

What happened to check the decline of ANTIFA? These days you can’t read social media without seeing someone mention you.

Nazis, man. They’re everywhere these days. It reenergized the organization, brought in some new thinking. We owe the Nazis a lot.

You joined ANTIFA recently, correct? Why?

I’m a longtime amateur anti-fascist, but it wasn’t until last year I decided to go pro. They recruited me pretty heavily….


Yeah, one of the little known facts about ANTIFA is they have a really amazing HR department. They not only know how to spot talent, but the onboarding, mentoring and review process is topnotch.

It sounds very corporate.

Well, ANTIFA is a B-Corp, and they have their shit together. Good pay, vacation from day one, a 401K with a 50% match, paid maternity and paternity leave, health insurance. and free cookies on Fridays.

ANTIFA is all over the news. That’s down to you, right?

I’d love to take the credit, but honestly this job sometimes just runs itself. Anything bad happens and some guy on Facebook starts screaming about ANTIFA. Sometimes nothing happens and we get the credit. And now that the administration is threatening us, we can’t get off the front pages. Believe me, not all attention is good attention.

Most days, I spend my time trying to point out that actual Nazis are responsible for a lot of stuff that gets broken. But people and the press just think I’m trying to get the Nazis in trouble.

You probably never imagined a day that Nazis would be more popular than anti-fascists?

Who would? I wish I could go back to a simpler time when Nazis were the bad guys.